Overt vs Covert Narcissist: Understanding the Key Differences

In recent years, “narcissism” has become a popular topic in discussions around mental health, relationships, and personal boundaries. However, narcissism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Two major types are commonly recognized: overt and covert narcissists. Understanding these two types can help individuals recognize the signs, establish boundaries, and navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals. This article will explore the key differences between overt and covert narcissists, and provide insight into how to identify and handle each type effectively.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Before diving into the differences between overt and covert narcissists, it’s essential to understand narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is a psychological disorder marked by an excessive sense of self-importance, a strong desire for admiration, and a noticeable lack of empathy toward others. Narcissists may manipulate, exploit, or demean others to maintain their sense of superiority and control. According to the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition), individuals with NPD display five or more of the following traits:

• Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others
• An intense focus on fantasies involving power, success, intelligence, beauty, and other forms of superiority.
• Self-perception of being unique and superior
• Need for excessive admiration
• Sense of entitlement
• Exploiting others to achieve personal gain
• Lack of empathy
• Feelings of jealousy toward others or the conviction that others are jealous of them.
• Arrogant behaviors and attitudes

Though both overt and covert narcissists share these core characteristics, they express them in different ways.

Defining Overt Narcissism

Overt narcissists, often referred to as “grandiose” narcissists, exhibit clear and outward expressions of narcissistic traits. They are typically assertive, attention-seeking, and more obvious in their need for admiration and validation. Overt narcissists tend to make their feelings of superiority and entitlement very visible. They may display arrogance, overconfidence, and a lack of subtlety when showcasing their talents and achievements.

Key Traits of Overt Narcissists:

• Bold and Arrogant: Overt narcissists openly display their sense of superiority and aren’t afraid to assert their dominance.
• Attention-Seeking: They crave constant admiration and acknowledgment from others, often monopolizing conversations to keep the focus on themselves.
• Lack of Sensitivity: They tend to disregard the feelings of others and show little to no empathy, often displaying impatience or frustration with others’ concerns.
• Control and Dominance: They often try to control situations and people, asserting themselves as the “best” or “most knowledgeable” in any given context.
• For example, in a social setting, an overt narcissist might brag about their achievements, downplay the accomplishments of others, or take over conversations to keep the spotlight on themselves.

Defining Covert Narcissism

In contrast, covert narcissists are sometimes referred to as “vulnerable” or “shy” narcissists. Their narcissism isn’t as obvious, as they don’t openly seek admiration or boast about their achievements. Instead, covert narcissists exhibit more passive-aggressive and self-pitying behaviors. They may come across as introverted or insecure, but a desire for validation and admiration lies beneath the surface.

Key Traits of Covert Narcissists:

• Passive and Subtle: Covert narcissists tend to avoid overt displays of superiority, opting for subtle ways to assert themselves.
• Victim Mentality: They may portray themselves as victims to gain sympathy and attention, using this tactic to manipulate others into feeling responsible for their happiness.
• Sensitive to Criticism: Covert narcissists are hypersensitive to perceived slights and are prone to feeling resentful or bitter when they don’t receive validation.
• Emotional Manipulation: Rather than overtly controlling others, covert narcissists might use guilt-tripping or emotional withdrawal to get their way.

For example, in a group setting, a covert narcissist may avoid direct bragging but might drop hints about how misunderstood or underappreciated they feel, subtly seeking admiration or sympathy from others.

Differences Between Overt and Covert Narcissism.

1. Expression of Superiority

• Overt Narcissist: Displays their superiority openly and expects others to recognize and acknowledge it.
• Covert Narcissist: May not openly declare superiority but feels it internally, often resenting others who don’t validate their hidden sense of entitlement.

2. Need for Attention

• Overt Narcissist: Craves obvious forms of admiration and actively seeks out praise and attention.
• Covert Narcissist: Seeks attention indirectly, often through self-pity or passive-aggressiveness to gain sympathy and validation.

3. Interpersonal Style

• Overt Narcissist: Aggressive and dominant, often openly critical of others.
• Covert Narcissist: Passive-aggressive, often expressing disdain or resentment indirectly.

4. Response to Criticism

• Overt Narcissist: Dismisses criticism and might respond with hostility or ridicule.
• Covert Narcissist: Experiences deep resentment, internalizes criticism, and may harbor grudges or engage in silent treatment.

5. The Impact of Overt vs. Covert Narcissism on Relationships

Both types of narcissism can have detrimental effects on relationships, but the impact differs:

• Overt Narcissists: Their behavior is often more straightforward, making it easier for others to recognize their manipulation and control. However, the overt nature of their narcissism can lead to constant conflict, with partners or friends feeling belittled and dismissed.
• Covert Narcissists: Their more subtle, manipulative style can be confusing for those around them, as the covert narcissist may seem “kind” or “sensitive” on the surface. This subtle manipulation can create a sense of guilt and self-doubt in their partners or friends, who may not realize they’re being manipulated.

Both types can cause emotional harm and undermine the self-esteem of those close to them. However, covert narcissism often leads to prolonged psychological damage, as it can be harder to identify and break away from these relationships.

6. Strategies for Managing Relationships with Narcissists

Understanding whether a person exhibits overt or covert narcissistic traits can help you determine the best way to handle interactions with them.

Set Clear Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essential in any relationship with a narcissist. Define what behaviors are unacceptable and be consistent in enforcing those boundaries. For overt narcissists, be direct in communicating your boundaries; for covert narcissists, remain firm even if they try to guilt-trip you.

Don’t Engage in Power Struggles

Overt narcissists thrive on conflict and dominance. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or power struggles. Instead, stay calm, keep interactions short, and maintain your composure.

Limit Emotional Availability

With covert narcissists, emotional distance can protect you from their manipulation tactics. They may try to use sympathy or guilt to keep you engaged. Maintaining emotional boundaries can help you avoid getting pulled into their self-centered narrative.

Seek Support from Others

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, having a support system can be invaluable. Friends, family, or support groups can offer perspective and help you regain balance.

Consider Professional Help

If you’re struggling to cope with a narcissist’s behavior, a therapist can offer strategies tailored to your situation. Therapy can provide tools for protecting yourself and understanding how narcissistic behavior affects you emotionally and mentally.

7. Recognizing Narcissistic Behaviors in Yourself

It’s easy to focus on recognizing narcissism in others, but it’s also essential to reflect on your behavior. In moments of stress or insecurity, anyone can display narcissistic traits. Self-awareness and introspection can prevent narcissistic tendencies from affecting relationships.

Conclusion

Understanding the key differences between overt and covert narcissists can help you recognize these personality traits in others and protect your mental and emotional health. Whether you’re dealing with an overt narcissist’s bold demands or a covert narcissist’s subtle manipulation, setting boundaries, seeking support, and prioritizing your well-being are crucial steps. Remember, while narcissism can be damaging, educating yourself and implementing self-care strategies can empower you to manage these relationships effectively.